It seems you’ve stumbled onto the DOB news page. So it seems you have hit the bottom of the barrel of things to do.
Well, as long as you’re here you may as well read the latest news about the band…..
As we all know, Dick Ourada is a big Rock Star, performing countless show after show of music and entertainment for clamoring fans each time. But what is he up to the other 363 days of the year, you ask?
Well folks, Dick decided to diversify his portfolio and brand name, by opening up a chain of liquor stores throughout the heart of the South.
“You people look like you could really use a drink!” Dick exclaimed at the grand opening of his first store in Munford Alabama.
Situated in a shed right next door to Big Daddy’s Bar-B-Q on old Route 21, “Dick Liquors” was unveiled to a less than enthusiastic group of slack jawed inebriates, who just happened to stop at Big Daddy’s for lunch that day.
Mr. Ourada now believes that “these Hillbillies might not be as open to new brand names ‘round these parts, as I previously thought”.
“Slow-Buddies….Put down that moonshine and pick up a bottle of my very own “Whiskey Dick”, he had screamed into the microphone dressed as a young June Carter Cash.
In a desperate attempt to win back the crowd, Dennis “Cash” Kairis, dressed as the Man in Black, took to the stage for a repeat performance of slow and sensual kiss with the June Carter look-alike. The kiss lingered for a few magical moments and ended with a pat on the fanny and a wink to the crowd from Dennis.
As they were run out of town by an angry mob covered in Big Daddy’s special sauce, Dick was second guessing the whole liquor store endeavor.
Dick now believes that marijuana dispensaries might be the way to go instead.
When we last spoke to Mr. Ourada , his plans of going to the more liberal Utah Mormon area and opening a dispensary up there, were well under way.
The “Dick Smokers” dispensary will soon be up and running and Dick hopes this will be widely accepted by a more targeted audience.
His plans of unveiling the first dispensary dressed as the Pope, should “win those holy-rollers over”.
After years of angry, atheist-infused arguments and rants, Ron Rydin has finally heard the calling and has started his own religion this past winter break.
Ronanetics is now the fastest growing religion on his block, in Plainfield Il.
From here on out he prefers to be called by his chosen name of Pope Brother Ron. PBR for short.
During high mass Ron passes out bacon-host and administer sips of Pabst Blue Ribbon from a plastic gem encrusted chalice he won at the Kane County fair in the summer of 1987. All the while, taking drags off an American Spirit cigarette.
Ron then washes the impurities from faithful as he dunks the believer’s heads into a pond out back of the 4 bedroom house, that he shares with Reverend Rake. Then it’s back to the living room for the next base-ball game or re-runs of Small Wonder.
Cash-only tax deductible, donations can be made directly into his mailbox or into the big jar on stage at the next DOB show, that says “Give till it hurts” on the side of it.
In his down time, Russ Rydin has written a series of children’s books that that teach kids the harsh reality of the real world we live in.
Some of his best seller’s include: “Daddy Drinks because you cry a lot”, “Hey Dylan, Snitches get Stiches”, “Three Ways are Great, but Syphilis Aint”, “Why do we go hungry at tax time, Daddy?” and “That’s what mommy USED to look like”.
These colorful, yet cutting edge books have been met with mixed reviews.
Mostly outrage, mixed with anger.
Russ has been kicked out of 23 elementary schools throughout Illinois for trying to bring his books to the big stage at Parent Teacher Conferences and Talent Show nights alike.
“Tough Crowd Tonight,” Russ wept through a face full of blood, sweat and tears, after a particularly rough show. “Why must I always suffer for my art”?
He was then escorted from the un-named Elementary school in Danville Illinois, by a janitor and little Jory Mason’s dad.
Neither of which had an answer for him.
Randy Ourada has been spending a lot of time lately, with none-other than Randy Ourada.
“The secret to success is that you’ve got surround yourself with good people, whom you enjoy and most importantly who understand you” Randy was overheard saying to himself in the Highland Queen bathroom.
And no one gets Randy Ourada more than Randy Ourada.
Randy says he’s his biggest fan and really can’t get enough of spending every waking moment with himself.
“Going to the bathroom, showering and marathon masturbation sessions were a little awkward at first. But I got used to me staring at myself”.
As Randy walked away, we could hear him muttering an inside joke to himself and laughing hysterically as he tried to pat himself on the back.
We really think that this time he is going to be happy together.
Being a high power attorney has enabled, John Kienzle to spend a total of $469,645 on plastic surgery, to transform himself into a living Ken Doll.
“I needed a change in my life” the newly chiseled jaw Adonis had said as he combed his sandy blonde hair and hopped into his wife’s pink Malibu convertible.
“I finally feel like I am doing something positive with my life by showing people everywhere that they too can be pretty, if they have a lot of money. I used to be a hideous monster, but look at me now.”
To further the dream his beautiful wife changed her name to Barbie and going forward they would like to be referred to as Barbie and Ken-zle.
I hope that satisfied your thirst for knowledge. The band and I will be sitting down at Olive Garden in a few months to catch up. So I should have some new news at that point. Until then just remember……..every time you touch yourself, all your dead relatives are watching.
See you all at the next DOB show!
Love and Mercy-
The Dick Ourada Band Webmaster